Let me begin by saying I was fairly confident on my ability to have a baby and be a mom. It was as if God said, ” you got this, so stop whining and just trust yourself.”
So I did.
However, becoming a mom brought a lot of changes in my life. A month before my due date I was in the mode of “clean this freaking house so a child can have somewhere to go!” The day before my due date? Well, I was in the mode of “pulling my hair out and crying over what if she hates me!?”
After my babies…I needed FRIENDS but found it was harder to accommodate all our schedules!
Let me just tell you now. Find friends who are having babies also. That way you can cry together, compare cute things, and have “play dates”.
If you insist on keeping your married friends without kids (which I highly recommend), here is an idea of what it will be like for you.
At least this was my experience.
1.What? You have texted me AGAIN? Why haven’t I texted you back?
Well you see while you have been texting me for the 5th time, I have actually tried to reply…TWICE. But in that time of replying, the baby on my hip has grabbed my phone 3 times and typed random letters and my toddler is on the floor screaming, “I wanna talk, I wanna talk!”
So I am not ignoring you, it is just a process of replying which involves running around in circles texting while the kids chase me.
2. We need and old fashion girls night!
I would love to hang out with you like old times! Catch a movie, go to dinner, and chat! “Just get a babysitter?” Do you not understand that I would have to pay someone to watch the kids, pay for a movie, and dinner? I would rather resort to a sitter for when my husband and I go out to be honest.
Why am I checking my phone so much while we are out? Well you see, in the time we have been gone my husband has been texting me with quotes from our toddler why she won’t go to bed. Reason #37: “You hurt my peeelings daddy, say sorry.”
3. Girls night was a bust? Sure come on over to my house. You want to come during nap time?
Let me be clear: Nap time is the one part of my day besides bedtime that I look forward to. It is my sanity hour. Sure you can come over but I will be thinking of all the things I COULD be doing during that time.
“I myself, COULD be napping during this time, doing homework, paying bills, pretending to work (Pinterest), cleaning up the cheerios on the ground, doing some laundry that has been sitting there in the wash for three days, catching up on some dishes, or just curling up with a cup of hot chocolate and watching Netflix.”
The reality of my kids going to nap while you are here is not likely either.
4. So you decided to come to my house anyways.
Great come on in, I am so glad we did this! While you have a seat on my couch, I will be on the floor entertaining my kids while we chat because they crave my attention and there are no other kids here to play.
Please continue your conversation about problems, life, love and the awesome movie you just saw. I really am interested, I promise. I am just a little distracted playing Elsa and Anna, impersonating Olaf’s voice while trying to listen.
I am totally stressed right now trying to be a good friend and be a good mom, but I will never let you know this.
5. You don’t know how to fill your free time you say?
Let me help you out on this one. You could literally leave my house, go get a bite to eat, go to the park, pool, movies, store, fly home this weekend, read a book, begin a project, or TAKE A NAP.
But while you have been talking about free time and what projects you should explore, I have actually been making sure my daughter stops feeding my son barbie purses and whatever it is she found on the kitchen floor….
6. “Oh thanks for the advice on parenting, I know you mean well.”
You see me “struggling to hold a real old fashioned conversation while trying to be mom,” and you chime in on how when you have kids, they will take naps at the same time…
I know you mean well and have the best intentions, but while you are giving me advice, all I am honestly thinking of is, “Boy I sure hope you get a constantly-screaming-always-holding-never-sleeping-baby for your first kid.”
7.” You have to go but really want to keep in touch, so lets chat at night this week.”
I know we used to talk each week on the same exact day, time, etc. But let me break down my night so far:
I have bathed two kids, chased each of them around in circles while trying to scramble diapers and pjs. by the way, they have kicked through their pjs for the third time and escaped laughing. Then its story time….Usually we get away with 2 books then bed but some nights its 5! Singing a song and saying a prayer are longer than normal now because my toddler has to bless every single butterfly god made, the horse she saw, and her good friends from the “gocery” store. I really would like to talk tonight but I just want to flop myself into my own bed and get on Pinterest to find new recipes and home decor…. (Guilty)
So yes I love you and YES I would love to hang out, chat and have an old fashioned girls night with you. But being a mom has changed a lot and I would love you to be included but you had best be warned…
You WILL be on your knees playing, running to the potty with us every 20 minutes, listen to me while I tell you the funniest thing my kids did and I promise every moment I will cherish visiting but at the end of the day I will be rocking in the chair with my two favorite people, giving kisses, and exchanging “I love you’s”.
We as moms NEED friends and we NEED our family. It just takes getting creative in how you go about girl time! It can be done. Motherhood just changes how you can accomplish it! Don’t give up and do not get discouraged! Chances are your friends still love you despite the situations above!